


De Profundis

by Icka M Chif (mischif)



Series: Carpe Aestatem (Seize the Summer) [2]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Aged-Up Character, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Break Up, Community: disney_kink, Drama, Family, Friendship, Future Fic, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-29
Updated: 2011-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischif/pseuds/Icka%20M%20Chif
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>De Profundis - '<i>Out of the depths of misery or dejection</i>'</p><p>From <a href="http://disney-kink.livejournal.com/4400.html?thread=2919216#t2919216">This Prompt</a> on <a href="http://disney-kink.livejournal.com">Disney_kink</a>: '<i>Ferb is jealous of a certain black haired lady coming onto his little brother but is afraid of the real reason behind his jealousy. In fear of losing his brother he tries to separate himself from him which makes Phineas worried.</i>'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Isabella

**Author's Note:**

> OMG. This ate my brains like whoa.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabella didn't think Phineas' expression could have been more heart breaking if she had handed him a butter knife and asked him to cut out his own heart.

* * *

  


  
**De Profundis**  
Out of the depths of misery or dejection

  


* * *

Isabella didn't think Phineas' expression could have been more heart breaking if she had handed him a butter knife and asked him to cut out his own heart.

"Isabella... I... I..." The normally confident verbose boy stammered and faltered.

"You didn't know, did you?" She hesitantly offered, hoping that she'd just surprised Phineas, that there was still a chance that he cared for her in the same way she did for him.

The miserable look in his face quietly killed that hope.

"I... You? You **knew**?!" The words came out more screeching than she hoped they would. She had loved him for YEARS, ever since they were little children. They were graduating High School soon, and he still acted oblivious!

"About a month, actually." Phineas grimaced, scratching at his ear. "Buford let it slip. It was kind of obvious in retrospect."

"And you didn't say anything?!" All this time chasing after him, wasted.

"i- I couldn't." Phineas looked down at his shoes. "Because I like you, Isabella. Really I do."

She stared at him, mouth open, unable to speak at his quiet confession. He continued on, completely missing her expression, his gaze still firmly downward.

"I thought that if you didn't say anything, wouldn't have to say anything, and then I wouldn't have to _choose_." He finally glanced up at her, expression silently imploring that she understand.

She didn't, but the glimmer of a thought was beginning to. "Choose?" She squeaked.

"Between you and Ferb." He shrugged one shoulder.

lsabella froze, various implications sinking in. She'd known that the brothers had always been close, closer than any other siblings or stepbrothers she'd ever known, but....

"If I'm hanging out with you, then I'm not building and inventing stuff with Ferb." He raised one hand, and then the other, palm up as if he was weighing something. "And if Ferb and I are doing what we normally do, then I'm not spending time alone with you. And I didn't want to have to choose between my two best friends." His expression was heartbroken.

She wanted to protest, but her voice caught in her throat.

The past two weeks had been like a dream. A splendid, marvellous dream. She'd always wanted to spend more time just with Phineas, alone. No Ferb, no projects, none of their other friends, just the two of them.

She didn't know what had happened to change her luck, afraid to question it incase it changed, but it had been wonderful to bask in his undivided attention. Being able to talk, share meals, go to the movies, and hang out without mishaps or adventures pulling Phineas away.

It had been what had given her the hope and courage to finally ask him out, as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Only to have her dream shot down and shattered.

"Oh." She could see the future she'd in visioned for the two of them curl up and die, blowing away like tumbleweeds in the wind. Going on adventures, just the two of them, eventually settling down and having children of their own. Growing old together. Normal, ordinary things.

Phineas had never been merely 'ordinary'.

"I'm sorry, Izzie." Phineas reached out and took her hand in one of his hands, calloused from working with various equipments for years. "I really am. But..."

The past several weeks had been wonderful, but it also hadn't been her Phineas either. Not really.

There hadn't been any amazing adventures, no casual breaking of the laws of physics, no impossible incidents, no random bouncy songs. None of the things that made him her Phineas, the things that made him shine so brightly that she couldn't look away, drawn like a moth to the flame.

Not without Ferb there too.

While she was involved in their adventures, she was a follower to the bright glowing trail that the brothers blazed. A friendly smile, a helping hand, the leader of the Fireside Girls and acting back-up, but she always came in after the boys had started. She couldn't create or build like either of them did, her strengths lay elsewhere.

Phineas, the dreamer, the inventor, the leader of their circle of friends. Ferb, the builder, the doer, the silent one that turned Phineas' imagination into reality.

And if they did date, like the rest of their classmates, or marry like like his sister Candace and Jeremy had, she'd be taking him away from Ferb. She couldn't have Phineas without Ferb, and there was no room in her dreams for Ferb to be there too.

If they maintained the status quo, she could still spend time with them. But it would be with both of them, not Phineas alone. It had always been 'Phineas and Ferb', as if they were two parts of the same entity, rarely, if ever 'Phineas' or 'Ferb'.

"I understand." She finally squeaked out. It was clear in his face. Hurting her hurt him too, because he did loved her. Just not the same way she loved him. Platonically as a friend, maybe as a sister, but not romantically. Not as something _more_.

Phineas had always been willing to do anything to make the people around him happy. Especially those he loved. Friend or family, it didn't matter, Phineas was the most selfless person she knew, quite literally willing go to the moon and back to make someone smile.

Except tell a falsehood. Even to spare her feelings.

"I'm gonna need to be alone for a bit, Phineas." She said softly, squeezing his hand.

"Okay." He quietly agreed, eyes dull and sombre. "You know where to find us when you want to hang out again."

'Find us' he said, like he always did. Not 'find **me** '.

Isabella nodded, briefly biting her lower lip before leaning forward and kissing him in the cheek. She'd hurt him today, tarnished some of his brightness. He'd bounce back eventually, but she didn't things would ever be the way they had been ever again, the way they had been when they were children.

She mourned that little loss of innocence.

"Bye, Phineas." She whispered, going his hand one last squeeze before let time him go.

Phineas gave her a small smile back, one that didn't quite meet his eyes. "See you later, Isabella." He waved, then shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away.

She spotted Ferb for the first time in a while, standing just out of hearing range. The silent boy's eyes dark with worry as he watched his brother, looking as if he was wounded because Phineas was hurting as well.

He was the reason she’d had Phineas’ attention the past two weeks, she realised. He'd distanced himself from his brother, giving her a chance to spend time with Phineas by herself. Ferb tore his gaze away from Phineas to look at her, silently asking if she was okay, and she wondered if this had been Ferb's plan all along.

She'd always had some trouble reading Ferb. He was too quiet.

On the other hand, he'd always had the gift to say more without words than most people did with an entire dictionary. And he was Phineas' most important person. She didn't think Ferb would do anything to hurt Phineas, not with as much as the brothers cared for each other.

She gave him a weak smile back, reassuring him. "Take care of him." She whispered.

He looked back at Phineas, then at her. "Always." He said back, his quiet voice carrying to her ears. There was a undercurrent of bristling protective steel in his tone. The unmovable rock guarding the unstoppable force.

Ferb turned towards his brother, giving Phineas an unguarded expression that made the breath catch in her lungs. It looked, well, like love. Not the romantic kind, with hearts and flowers, but the kind that made people go out and slay dragons or conquer nations.

The kind that legends were made out of.

Then Ferb's expression was back to it's usual neutral expression, save for a worried wrinkle between his eyebrows. Phineas gave Ferb a small weary smile back, the two falling in step with each other. Phineas leaned in slightly so that he brushed Ferb's arm with every step, seeking silent reassurance from the person he cared for most in the world. Ferb shifted slightly, his body shielding Phineas' from the rest of the school's prying eyes,

Isabella realised that she might be the only person to really understand what she was watching. The two of them just... fit together. In a way that probably no one else ever would in their lives, each one's strengths making up for the other's flaws.

It hurt, but it helped a little bit too.

She'd join them again, going on amazing adventures, singing songs and discovering what they'd invented. She was still one of Phineas' best friends, and she wasn't going to let that go because he didn’t like her the same way. She was Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, and she was better than that, gosh darn it.

But first she needed to grieve a little, for the loss of what might have been. Cry a bit and swear off wildly intelligent boys. For the years of watching for her chance that would never come. Waiting for Phineas to pay her the same attention that he did his inventions.

She dug into her bag, pulling out her mobile phone, with all the little tweaks that Phineas and Ferb had done over the years to make it work practically anywhere and dialled a number.

"Hey, Gretchen?" She said, turning and walking down the hall. "You still got that emergency Fireside Girl’s breakup stash of Double Fudge Rocky Road Ice Cream?"

"Yeah. Pull it out. It's an ice cream night."

-fin-


	2. Phineas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know what Buford told me today?"

* * *

  


**De Profundis**  
Out of the depths of misery or dejection

  


* * *

“You know what Buford told me today?” Phineas smiled at his quiet brother as they walked home. He laughed, then continued on without waiting for Ferb’s response. “He said that Isabella liked me! Like _liked_ me liked me!”

Ferb said nothing.

“Oh.” Phineas’ expression drooped. “You already knew. I thought this might have been recent.”

Ferb glanced away.

“THAT long?”

Ferb kept looking away, glancing up towards the sky like there was something interesting up there.

Phineas’ voice rose half an octave. “LONGER? What, like since Middle School? Elementary?”

Ferb flinched slightly, then shot Phineas an apologetic look.

“Ooooh.” Phineas’ slumped. “ **That** long. I am the last to know? How stupid am I?” He muttered, feeling dejected.

Ferb reached out and patted Phineas' shoulder. Phineas wasn't an idiot, he just didn't notice certain things.

“Yeah, well, it’s kind of hard to notice if you have trouble noticing romantic inclinations.” Phineas shrugged, taking Ferb’s words to heart. “Maybe we should invent something for that.”

One of Ferb’s eyebrows rose and he shook his head.

“Okay, so that might be a little bit too close to messing with people’s hearts and minds.” Phineas pondered as Ferb dropped his hand. “But still…”

Ferb tilted his head to the side in silent inquiry.

“What? Sure, I like her.” Phineas shrugged, spreading his hands wide. “She’s Izzie. Everyone likes Izzie. She’s pretty, and kind, and fun to be around." She was really helpful too, and good in an emergency. He'd lost track of how many times she and the Fireside Girls had pulled their fat out of the fire.

He glanced over at Ferb, who had a slightly strange look on his face, like he was thinking about something that he'd never thought about before. "What about you, Ferb? Anyone you ever like liked?”

Ferb startled slightly, then glanced away.

“Vanessa?” Phineas grinned. “Got a thing for older girls?”

Ferb waved his hand dismissively, his cheeks turned faintly pink.

“Oh, so she went into her father's business and is now a major villainess trying to take over the entire Tri-State area?” Phineas reached out, fingers brushing Ferb’s arm. “Harsh, man.”

Ferb grimaced slightly, embarrassed.

"And you're allergic to flowers. Wow. Sorry."

Ferb said nothing. He’d moved on.

“So what now?” Phineas shrugged, settling his backpack on his shoulders better. “What do I do?”

Ferb waved a hand, looking helpless.

“’It’s up to me’ isn’t much of a help, Ferb.” Phineas grumbled, annoyed.

Ferb said nothing.

“Oh, sure. Now you’re quiet.” Phineas kicked at a stone on the sidewalk. “Usually I can’t get you to shut up.”

* * *

"Don't tell Candace I said so-" Phineas grinned as he pulled a random looking part out of a bin in the back of the Electronics Department at the Superduper Mega Superstore. "-But I _looove_ going shopping! Never know what we're going to find or what we can turn it into."

Ferb said nothing, holding up a different part out of the bin and putting up next to the part Phineas was holding, fitting the two together. Phineas' felt his grin growing wider. It was nice spending time with Ferb, just the two of them tinkering on various stuff. There wasn't enough time during the school week and everyone had things that they wanted to do as a group on the weekends. They didn't have enough time as the two of them building stuff anymore.

He had a feeling it was something that they were going to have to start scheduling as they got older, setting time aside specifically for the two of them.

Which was a scary thought. Almost mature. He dismissed it and turned his attention back to digging through the bin for more treasures.

"So where do you think we should go for dinner?" He asked, discarding a tangled mess of gears and what looked like old video tape. "I'm thinking fusion. There's that new Thai Mexican place that just opened up."

Ferb said nothing, passing Phineas an interesting looking piece that Phineas put in the 'maybe' pile. "No argument there, Mom's taco's are the best in the world." Phineas agreed. "But I'm thinking noodles."

Ferb paused, thought about it, then went back to digging. "We still haven't found any place that has Fish and Chips even close to as good as Grandpa Reginald and Grandma Winifred's." Phineas protested. "Although fish does sound good too. Fish tacos, maybe? Or they have those fish balls."

His brother waggled his eyebrows and Phineas laughed, lightly punching Ferb's arm. "Pervert." He said fondly. "You've got everyone fooled, thinking you're as innocent as S'winter snow."

Ferb shrugged and Phineas frowned. "It's not my fault that all my emotions show on my face." He grumbled. Ferb patted him on the shoulder and Phineas grinned again. "Yeah, I guess it is a good thing that my default emotion is happy. Think we're pretty much finished with this bin. Anywhere else you wanna look before getting something to eat?"

Ferb pointed off in the distance. "Tools, huh? I'd like to get some more art supplies for blueprints, our rulers are totally trashed from that last time using them as makeshift swords. Meet up at the Thai Mexican place in...."

They checked their watches. Ferb glanced up at Phineas for conformation. "Yeah, 20 minutes sounds good." Phineas smiled, picking up the parts that he wanted to play with later. "See ya then!"

Ferb put a few pieces that he wanted into his basket and waved, heading to hardware. He'd probably have an entire cart full by the time he left, it was rarer that he didn't. Not that Phineas cared, they always ended up using whatever Ferb grabbed in some project or another.

Phineas hummed happily to himself as he wandered off towards arts and craft supplies. They needed erasers too, they used up the last of them in a giant eraser fight that had Candace shouting for Mom at the top of her lungs. Perhaps giving them wings and a rudimentary AI had been a little over the top, but it'd been fun before the Pencil Neck Storks showed up and ate them all.

He paused just inside the art supply section, breathing in the scent of paper, graphite and chalk. There was no other place like it on earth, the feeling and smell of possibilities. Not just what were they going to make today, but tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. It was a good thing they bought their blueprint paper in giant bulk rolls.

Phineas grabbed some jumbo size bags of erasers, both pink and white, then added some more lead in various thickness and hardness. Phineas usually drew with what ever was at hand, but Ferb preferred a 0.3, able to handle the finer lead with a deft touch. Phineas usually broke anything less than a 0.5 in his initial exuberance.

He was just debating the pros and cons of getting new t-square in the rulers department when he heard a familiar voice. "Phineas! Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh, Hey Isabella." Phineas grinned, spotting his friend. "Just picking up some supplies. What are you up to?"

"The same." She held up a basket full of sheets of multi-coloured felt. "We're learning Viking Embroidery so we can make our own patches in Fireside Girls."

"Very Medieval." He teased and she giggled. "I'm wrapping up here, gonna go meet up with Ferb for dinner. We're trying that new Thai Mexican place."

"Oh, Mai Thai Taco?" Isabella shifted to stand next to him. "I've been dying to try that place. Mind if I walk with you?"

"No, that's fine." Phineas smiled. It was funny, he'd never noticed before how often Isabella invited herself along. He'd just always taken it for granted when she did, just like when Buford or Baljeet came along on an adventure.

Maybe that was what everyone meant by a crush. A guy, a girl, some thrills and a dash of adventure.... Eh. Whatever.

They chatted about inconsequential things as they walked, their conversation light and bouncy. They stopped just outside of the restaurant, Phineas checking his watch and glancing around. Right on time.

They talked some more, Phineas scanning the area for his brother. He thought he caught a flash of green hair, but was gone before he could verify it. "Maybe you should give him a call." Isabella said, watching him with a worried expression. "Ferb usually isn't late, is he?"

"No." Phineas frowned, pulling out his phone. "No, he's not." Not unless something had happened...

The phone rang in his hand and he pressed the button. "It's a text message from Ferb." He informed Isabella. "He says he's been _avoidably_ detained, so go ahead and have dinner, and he'll see me at home."

Strange. Ferb didn't usually inform him of stuff like that via text. Or at least he offered up some sort of explanation for it.

He glanced up in time to see Isabella looking like she'd either just won the lottery or been given a brand new puppy. It quickly faded to her normal smiling expression.

Huh.

"So..." He pointed up at the sign. "You wanna try-?" He offered, since he was still hungry.

"Love to." Isabella grinned. Phineas smiled back, but he didn't feel it as much as he normally did, feeling slightly uneasy.

As he put his phone back in his pocket, he caught a flash of green out of the corner of his eye and spotted Ferb standing there. Ferb winked, flashing him an encouraging thumbs up before disappearing into the crowd.

... Wait, what?

Well, at least he knew that Ferb was okay.

Isabella took his hand, pulling him inside, chattering about the various kinds of food and he turned his attention towards dinner. He settled on the lemongrass tacos and with chile verde pho on the side. He paid for Isabella's too, since he had his wallet out, the two of them finding a seat in the back, talking about friends, classes, and such.

It was fun, he always enjoyed spending time with his close friends, but he found himself to be kind of bored. He wanted to be inventing or drawing, sketching out his latest plans. Bouncing ideas off of Ferb and wondering where Perry was. Doing something, other than eating and talking.

He wished Mom hadn't raised him not to draw at the dinner table, otherwise he could have spent time with Isabella and made progress. His fingers itched with the effort it took to keep them still.

They eventually lapsed into silence, and Phineas made his excuses to get home, offering Isabella a ride home on his scooter, since they were heading the same way. She turned him down, and he made his way out of the Superduper Mega Superstore, paying for his purchases on the way out.

Phineas was thoughtful on his way home, in-between debating the merits of putting hoverjets on the scooter, wondering if he was supposed to feel different, having gone out to a meal with his best female friend. He didn't feel any different, not like breaking out into song or anything. Which was strange, because he usually felt like singing. He could burst into song at the drop of a hat.

But then, Ferb was usually there when he did, to form a harmony or melody with him. Isabella was great on backup, but they didn't do a lot singing together.

Mostly, he felt kind of unsettled.

Ferb was already in bed and snoring by the time that he got home, which was annoying because it wasn't _that_ late at night. He debated waking his brother up, either by jumping on the bed, via water balloon, or flying platypus, then sighed and got ready for bed himself.

So much for doing any drawing or inventing that night.

* * *

Ferb became increasingly scarce as the days went by. At first, Phineas thought it was his own imagination, then Baljeet commented on it and he realised it wasn't. Almost every time Isabella showed up, Ferb found some reason or excuse to wander off.

In contrast, Phineas had never realised just how often Isabella hung around. He asked Gretchen, one of Isabella's friends about it, and she confirmed that yeah, Isabella spent a lot of time at their house.

But when he asked Isabella about Ferb's recent behaviour, and she said she couldn't tell Ferb was acting any differently.

With the exception of Baljeet, no one else did either. But then Baljeet didn't have any problems understanding Ferb's quiet ways, the two of them conversing in math equations that they passed back and forth like illicit notes, snickering quietly between themselves about Pythagorean Theorems, Euclidean Spaces, and Redshift Quantisation.

Phineas tried to work on his own creations, but ran into pit falls and minor problems that Ferb usually automatically corrected or adjusted for without comment. They were both creators and inventors, but Ferb had a knack for engineering that Phineas lacked. Isabella hung around and tried to help, but she couldn't understand the concepts he was trying to explain, things that Ferb got without even having to think about.

In frustration, he took some of his old blueprints to one of the local engineering firms and asked them for a quote.

The steps to the Scientific Method were to ask a question, do some background research, develop a hypothesis, test the hypothesis, then analyse the data before drawing a conclusion.

He had the question and the hypothesis. He just had to test it.

A few days later, he got his answer when he went to pick up the blueprints.

"We can't do it." The head engineer informed him as the rest of the engineers hovered around, pretending to be doing other things or drinking coffee. "I mean, the exo-frame is tricky, but doable with ceramics. But the sheer amount of power it needs just to break earth's atmosphere, especially with how small it is... the technology doesn't exist. And the control room... No way everything could fit in that small of a space. You're talking about bending the laws of physics."

Phineas sighed, reaching for the blueprints and rolling them up. "I was afraid of that."

He'd had a feeling that what he and his brother did was unique, with maybe the possible exception of Cornelius Robinson on the other coast. Cornelius had some amazing groundbreaking ideas for robotics and artificial intelligence, although he didn't seem to operate at quite the same speed that Phineas and Ferb did. The difference of having a brother, Phineas supposed.

But then Cornelius was also a lot more in the public eye than they were.

Phineas could create and design, but without Ferb, he wasn’t able to get them to physically manifest and work correctly. Phineas was the big overall picture guy, Ferb was the one to handle the details..

"Sorry, Kid." One of the engineers said sympathetically, in the way that adults talked to small kids about Santa Claus or Klimpaloon. "It's a cool idea, it's just not feasible with today's technology. And even if it was, you'd still be looking at millions of dollars, just for materials and labour."

"Actually, my brother and I made this when we were 10, from parts we had laying around the backyard." Phineas said, pulling out Ferb's blueprint pen and turning it on. He clicked through some of the photos, projecting the image above the desk. "We wanted to see the star our Dad had bought for us, so we made two of them, one for us, one for our sister. She took ours instead and wrecked it in the asteroid belt between here and Mars."

He paused at the photo of their Mom's old station wagon parked at the International Space Station. "Forgot about that." He commented to himself, wondering when they'd gotten a picture of that.

Phineas flipped through the photos until he reached the end and turned the pen off. "Of course, we've since made it obsolete between the various teleportation devices and unlimited power supply sources." He added with a shrug. "But still, it was a fun way to spend a summer day."

It was a lot easier to visit Meap and the Shooting Star Milkshake Bar with a teleporter than a rocket. Although sometimes not as much fun. Ferb liked to drive fast, which ended them in all sorts of strange places.

"Wait." The head engineer stared at him. "Your last name wouldn't happen to be 'Flynn-Fletcher', would it?"

"Yes. Yes, it would. Phineas Flynn, at your service." Phineas smiled, activating his Portable Pocket Dimension and tossing the blueprints inside so it wouldn't get wrinkled on the way home. "Ferb Fletcher is my brother."

"Oh my GAWD!" An engineer screamed in the background. "I TOUCHED A FLYNN-FLETCHER BUILDING SCHEMATIC!!! I MUST BLOG ABOUT THIS!!!"

"My former classmates are going to FREAK!" Another cackled. "They're going to be So Jealous!"

"I'M NEVER WASHING THIS HAND AGAIN!"

"Ignore them." The head engineer said, drawing Phineas' attention away from the flailing people in the background. "It was an honour to work with you." He said sombrely, offering his hand.

"Likewise." Phineas shook the man's hand. "Thanks for the information. Have a great day!" He waved to the still screaming flailing people and headed outside. He pulled the helmet out from under the scooter's seat, put it on, sat down and activated the anti-grav jets and leisurely flew home. It didn't fly as fast as some of their other inventions, but it kept to the legal driving speeds around Danville and was a pleasant way to travel.

Less traffic too, although you did have to worry about the occasional startled pigeon to the face.

* * *

"Hey, Jeremy." Phineas waved at his brother-in-law, standing on the doorstep to his sister's house.

"Hey, Phineas." Jeremy smiled back, holding the door open and waving Phineas in. "How're doin'? Candace is out with Amanda at the park."

His two year old niece couldn't enough of climbing things, which made the park an ideal location for burning of the amazing amount of energy the toddler seemed to possess. Ferb had once joked about figuring out to bottle it up as an energy source, which had gotten them yelled at by Candace, saying they were not going to use her daughter in any part of their experiments, and so they'd never brought it up again.

Still, it was an idea.

"Actually, I came to talk to you." Phineas stepped inside, turning to look at the taller blond man. "I need some advice, and I figured you'd be the best person to ask."

"Don't know what I can give advice to you." Jeremy shrugged, closing the door and escorting Phineas towards the kitchen. "But anything I can do to help."

"Thanks, man." Phineas grinned. He liked Jeremy, he was a good guy. He was also excellent for Candace, who had started to mellow out in the past few years. He thought a lot of that had to do with Jeremy's calming influence.

And possibly the birth of Amanda, having someone else to flail over other than Ferb and himself.

Jeremy silently poured two glasses of juice, passing one to Phineas. "Thanks."

"No problem." Jeremy shrugged. "So, what's up?"

Phineas stared at the juice for a moment, rolling the fluid around in the glass, watching how the liquid viscosity kept it clinging slightly to the edges. There was probably something interesting he could do with that. He dismissed the thought and got back on topic. "How did you know you were in love with Candace?" He asked, looking up at his brother-in-law.

Jeremy choked on his sip of juice, sputtered, setting the glass down as he thumped on his chest. Alarmed, Phineas moved to help, to be stopped by Jeremy's held up hand. "You don't go for the easy questions, do you?" Jeremy wheezed ruefully.

"Um..." Phineas' forehead wrinkled. "No?" Not often anyway, not according to Mom and Dad. And Candace. And most of their school teachers. And random people on the street...

Jeremy chuckled, wheezing a few more times before his breathing went back to normal. "So what brings this on? Finally noticed Isabella?"

"Did everyone know about her liking me except for me?" Phineas threw an arm up in the air, exasperated.

Jeremy thought about it. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Thanks." Phineas grumbled, glaring at his glass again.

Jeremy laughed. "Sorry, man. But she's as subtle about it as... Well, Candace was about liking me."

Which was not very subtle at all. About the only thing Candace didn't do was spell their names out in fireworks across the night sky. Jeremy put his hand on Phineas' shoulder, drawing his attention away from his thoughts.

"To answer your question, at first I didn't know. I thought she was interesting, and pretty. And I wanted to hang out, find out more about her." Jeremy said in his honest way. "About the time I realised I wanted to spend as much time as I possibly could with her that I realised that I was in love with her."

Jeremy's expression turned somewhat dreamy, a happy little smile on his face. It was similar to the expression Dad wore when thinking about Mom when she wasn't there, which didn't help the butterflies that were starting to wiggle uncomfortably in Phineas' gut.

"You know what I like most about your sister?" Jeremy asked, finally shaking it off with a self depreciating grin. "She's interesting. We always have fun when we're together. People say that their spouse is their best friend, and yeah, I'd be lucky enough say that's true in our case."

"Yeah." Phineas frowned, looking at the floor.

"Hey." Jeremy nudged him. "What's up?"

"Well, that's just it, I guess." Phineas looked up at his brother-in-law. "I'm not."

Jeremy looked confused. "Not what?"

"Not having fun." Phineas frowned again. Did that make him a bad person? "Ever since I found out about Isabella liking me, Ferb's been distant. As in _gone_. It was strange at first, then suddenly Izzie's there **all the time** but I'm not having nearly as much fun with her as I do when it's Ferb and I together. I mean... she's great and all, and a good friend, but that's it. I'm bored. You know how hard that is for me?! I'm **_BORED_**!"

The last word ripped out of him with enough force to leave his throat raw and his eyes watering.

He was never ' **bored** '. There was always something exciting going on, something new to invent or explore. But without his brother there, it was almost pointless. Phineas was the idea man, but he was missing the half of himself that made things happen.

He didn't want a girlfriend. He wanted his brother back. He wanted his friends to stop looking at Isabella at his side and find something else to do. He wanted to go on adventures and have fun again, not watching romantic comedy movies, or sitting around talking about hair, or people he did or didn't know. He felt like a spoiled brat for thinking it, but he didn't know how else he was supposed to feel.

"Aw, man." Jeremy wrapped an arm around Phineas's shoulders, pulling him in for a one armed hug and Phineas realised he was shaking. "Come here."

"Sorry." Phineas leaned against his friend. "I just..." He didn't know if he was ready for a girlfriend right now. Or if he ever was. They were a lot of time and commitment he'd rather spend making stuff and going on adventures with Ferb.

"It's cool." Jeremy assured him. "If you don't feel that way about her, you don't feel that way. The only thing you can be is honest with yourself. Don't try to change something about yourself to make other people happy."

"But..." He _liked_ making other people happy. It was his primary goal in life, along with having as much fun as possible.

"Your friends won't be happy if something is making you unhappy." Jeremy said firmly, rubbing Phineas’ back. "Especially if it's them. Just be yourself. Talk to Ferb. I know your brother's stubborn, sit on him if you have to. Tell him what you told me. And if that doesn't work, tell _me_ and _I'll_ go sit on him."

Phineas chuckled softly. Ferb was taking after Dad, he was already taller and broader than Jeremy, with solid muscles from years of picking up heavy objects and building things. "I think it'd take more than the two of us to sit on Ferb to keep him down in order to talk to him." He admitted.

"Yeah, probably." Jeremy agreed, ruffling Phineas' hair. "But I'd still do it if you need it."

"Thanks." Phineas looped an arm around Jeremy and gave him a quick hug. "I mean that. Thank you."

"Welcome." Jeremy grinned back, releasing Phineas when he pulled away. "Anytime you need advice or a pep talk, you know where to find me, my door's open."

"I'll take you up on it." Phineas agreed, stepping away to grab his juice again and take a sip, his throat a little tight. "I was kind of afraid that if I talked to Mom or Dad, they'd want me to date Isabella. It's kind of the expected thing. A guy, a girl, unrequited feelings...."

"After Candace and I, I can see where you might get that idea." Jeremy shrugged. It was almost a running joke in the family, about how Candace used to moon over Jeremy. "But I think your parents are a lot cooler than that. And no matter what, you don't have to worry that they won't love you, You know that, right?"

"Yeah." Phineas smiled, feeling the truth down in his bones. That was something that he never had to worry about, he knew that his parents would always love him. He could never date and his parents wouldn't care, as long as he was happy.

"Good." Jeremy nudged him. "So smile. Relax. It'll work out in the end. You just gotta believe."

"Believe. Yeah." Phineas felt something bubble up in his chest that felt a lot like hope. It'd been a little while since he'd remembered to believe.

Perhaps it was time to start again.

* * *

"Heya, Perry." Phineas picked up the platypus from his bed and sat down, cradling Perry in his lap. Perry shifted around so he was comfortable, his eyes falling half-closed as Phineas petted his thick fur. "How are you doing?”

Perry chirred, shifting slightly so Phineas scratched where Perry wanted him to. Phineas grinned. He'd always had a feeling that Perry could actually understand what they said, even if he didn't always choose to act on it.

And it was nice to have some quiet company. Ferb was gone again, leaving Phineas by himself and feeling rather lonely. He fell backwards on the bed, staring up at the glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling. It had been fun, building hover packs to put the stickers up, Ferb drawing out maps of constellations and how bright the various stars were supposed to be. Out of habit, he picked out the area of their galaxy that they figured Meap lived.

There had to be a reason for Ferb acting the way he was. Suddenly disappearing, being unusually quiet... He briefly toyed with the idea of Ferb having been replaced by an imposter, or an alien, except that Ferb still acted and _felt_ like Ferb. At least, the few times when Phineas actually saw him.

Which left Ferb either being in trouble, or working on a top secret project. Ferb was looking tired and withdrawn, but he didn't have the harried air of being in trouble. Phineas couldn't think of anything his quiet brother couldn't handle either. And if he was working on a top secret project, he would have told Phineas, to keep him from wondering or poking around Ferb's stuff.

Not that there was anything unusual in Ferb's stuff. A few recent half-started plans that weren't up to Ferb's usual level of expertise, but that was it.

Perry chattered, shifting on Phineas' legs and Phineas obligingly resumed petting.

Everything had been normal until about two weeks ago. That was the first time he could remember Ferb acting weird, at the Superduper Mega Superstore, when his brother had ditched him at dinner. That weird wink and thumbs up as Ferb had walked away, leaving Phineas alone with Isabella.

Wait.

Phineas sat up, making Perry roll in his lap.

Isabella.

Right after that, when Isabella had showed up to join them, Ferb had wandered off, mentioning something about Duct Tape and never returned. Ferb did the same thing again the next day, looking for a Flanger Wrench. Which was weird, because there was one sticking out of the toolbox right next to him.

Then after that, Isabella was always right there, and he'd stopped seeing Ferb all together, except at strange times at home.

Why was Ferb avoiding Izzie? Did it have something to do with Isabella's crush? She wasn't acting any differently than usual since Buford told Phineas about it, it was Ferb who was acting strange...

Wink and thumbs up.

Ferb was trying to support Phineas and Isabella? Giving them time together?

Phineas fell backwards on the bed again, Perry chattering in annoyance as he shifted again. He didn't want to hang out with Isabella, he wanted things back the way they were, with him and Ferb making stuff and going on wild and crazy adventures with their friends. Seizing the day. Carpe Diem.

He was going to have to talk to Isabella. It did no good talking to Ferb if he vanished the moment Isabella showed up. Or if Ferb thought that he was getting the way of some sort of romance.

His brother probably thought he was doing to the right thing by giving them space. It's what Phineas would do if he knew that Ferb was dating, support his brother.

... Actually, he hadn't even known that Ferb liked anyone. Another annoyance. Up until this started, he thought he knew everything about his brother. Now he felt oddly out of synch, that maybe he didn't know his brother and best friend as well as he did. They didn't used to keep secrets from each other.

Unless it wasn't a secret. Was he missing something obvious? Phineas groaned to himself. Right. Setting that aside to deal with at another time. Right now he had a Ferb to worry about. He wasn't about to give up his brother without a knock down, drag out, limb-biting, hair-pulling fight. Things just weren't right without him. He kept looking over his shoulder for a flash of green hair, someone to bounce ideas off of and there was a giant gaping Ferb-shaped void instead.

Ferb may not have needed him, but Phineas needed Ferb. He wondered if that made him a bad person. Mom and Dad had always taught them to be individuals and stick up for themselves, but he wasn't himself without Ferb.

And Ferb didn't seem to be himself either. His brother was rather grey looking lately. So maybe he wasn't wrong. Something else to talk to Ferb about after he got this whole thing cleared up with Isabella.

What to say to Isabella without hurting her feelings though? He still liked her as a friend, one of his best friends, but not like a boyfriend or anything like that. Was there a way to do that? Soften the blow or provide a distraction? He pondered that train of thought for a few minutes before deciding that there probably really wasn't. 'I don't want to date, but here's a cute fuzzy puppy' didn't seem likely.

The only thing he could do was be honest with her.

He sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. Or pretty. He really didn't want to have to choose to between his two best friends, even if there really was no choice in the end. Why couldn't things have stayed the way they had been?

Perry came up and sat on his chest, making chirring noise. "Heya, Boy." Phineas petted Perry's head, remember the first time they got the Platypus. There had been cats, and dogs and all sorts of creatures, but Perry with his crossed-eyes was the only one who could see both Ferb and Phineas at the same time.

He wondered if Isabella actually saw Ferb. He tried remembering the last time she'd said hi to Ferb, or even spoken to him, and hitting a blank.

Right. If he did date in the future, who ever it was had to be able to see both him and Ferb. Not just him. Ferb was too important to just toss aside like that.

But that was the future, not right now. Right now, he had Perry, and he had inventions to design, and adventures to plan out.

Summer, their last summer before college and adulthood, was coming soon and they had to make every day count.

-fin-


	3. Ferb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferb Fletcher was not one prone to extremes of emotion.

* * *

  


  


**De Profundis**  
Out of the depths of misery or dejection

  


* * *

Ferb Fletcher was not one prone to extremes of emotion.

Quite the opposite in fact.

The majority of his friends would probably find themselves hard pressed to remember him often changing expression, much less speaking more than a sentence or two at a time. Very little caused him to actually _react_ , unless it to was to take action in an emergency.

Which was why the sudden flush of.... _Emotion_ at Phineas' casual declaration of liking Isabella both shocked and disturbed him. A rolling wave of jealousy, followed by a torrent of rage.

It was only a few nano-seconds, not even long enough to cause him to shift expression. Anyone else might have brushed it off without a second thought, but the strangeness of the sensation disturbed him to the point that he didn't hear what his brother said after admitted to liking the dark haired girl.

Even more horrifying, with his focus turned inwards, he was distracted enough to admit to liking Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, something he'd promised himself he'd never talk about, some things just being private, even from his best friend/brother. And somewhat depressing to Ferb, even if they were still friends and kept in touch, their romance fizzling before it went anywhere.

Phineas' gentle compassion about Vanessa's chosen profession was a balm on his frazzled nerves, even if the following naivety was slightly irritating. Every person was different, there was no clear-cut advice that Ferb could give his brother.

By the time they got home and Phineas had gotten over his sulk, --thankfully it was nearly impossible for Phineas to hold a grudge, much less hang on to any annoyance for more than a few minutes-- Ferb was back to normal and convinced that it was just a minor aberration and nothing to worry about. They were teenagers, going through puberty which meant that strange things were constantly happening to their bodies.

At least until they went on a supply run at the Superdooper Mega Supermall. It was a good day, exploring, putting things together, Phineas rambling about this idea and that.

Until they separated to get various things, agreeing to meet back up for dinner in 20 minutes.

Ferb easily found and gathered his supplies with time to spare, arriving at the restaurant early. He wasn't entirely sure about the Mexican Thai fusion, and had been debating changing his mind to a nice Indian curry when he had spotted his brother.

Walking with Isabella, the dark haired girl leaning into Phineas' space, happy smiles on both of their faces.

And he felt it again, the dark possessive feeling that someone was trying to steal his brother away. He wanted to push her away, shove her in a dark room and throw away the key, keep her far away from his brother. It'd be so easy to stage an accident, the galaxy was huge, it wouldn't be difficult to lose her somewhere....

Alarmed, he quickly backed away, hiding in the shadows of a pillar as he wrestled with the dark feeling. Once was a fluke. Twice... twice was not.

When he could breathe freely again, he peered around, checking on Phineas. His brother was smiling at Isabella, who was looking like she'd just won the lottery.

Ferb took a breath, gearing up to step out and join them, then deflated.

He couldn't. He couldn't go out there and join them, play his usual stoic self, with all his thoughts rattling around in his brain as he watched Isabella fawn all over his brother.

He was slightly afraid of what he might do. It was a distant, calculated fear, but it was a worry he'd never had before.

That... was not good.

And Phineas admitted to liking Isabella in return.

With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text, assuring his brother that everything was fine and that he should go to dinner with Isabella.

Phineas deserved to find out how he felt about Isabella without other people leaning over his shoulder. Especially without Ferb wanting to forcibly eject the girl from their vicinity through the most expedited and judicious means necessary. Such as a trebuchet.

He could hear Phineas get the text and ask Isabella if she wanted to join him for dinner. Ferb waited a second, then stepped out where his brother could see him, offering an encouraging wink and thumbs up before fleeing with as much dignity as he could muster. Which was a great deal, he doubted that anyone other than close members of his family would be able to detect anything wrong with his expression.

Most of their supplies would be delivered, leaving him with the small amount he had with him on the back of his scooter. Helmet on head, he left as fast as he could, heart beating fast in his chest. The ride home was a blur, he barely remembered saying hello to Mom and Father on his way to his room, stashing the bags before sitting down on his bed.

He needed to analyse this. He needed to _think_.

The Greek philosophers Heraclitus said that ' _The only constant in life is change_ '. It was a lesson Ferb had learned early in life, first by losing his Mum, then by moving to an entirely different country, full of loud inquisitive people who spoke funny.

Phineas had been the big bright spot in all of it. He and Phineas had bonded almost instantly, the ginger-haired boy latching on to Ferb and understanding his quiet ways with a talent that bordered on empathy. In return, Ferb did his best to anticipate what Phineas needed. Too much imagination was as much of a burden as too little, Ferb helped to narrow down and focus Phineas' energy into workable projects.

They didn't need words between them. When no one else was around and it was just the two of them, Phineas could be nearly as quiet as Ferb, verbalising only to laugh or clarify something that they couldn't in their unspoken language of gestures and expressions.

With the exception of one or two classes over the years where interests varied, ever since they had met they spent all their time together. Practically glued to each other's sides, never growing weary of each other's company.

It wasn't typical, he knew that.

People thought that 'silent' meant 'deaf and dumb', talking about things around Ferb that they wouldn't around other people, as if his silence rendered him hard of hearing. Most siblings grew tired of each other, or argued and fought. But not them. There was never anything that was truly 'his' or 'mine', simply 'ours'. Some things may have had names, Ferb's toolbox or Phineas' sketchbook, but they both used each other's stuff without thinking, permission never required.

But it couldn't last forever. School, living with their parents, nothing lasted forever.

Siblings grew up, grew older, grew apart.

They moved away, got married.

People died too. Accidents, illness. It'd happened to loved ones before, it could happen again.

Perry broke him out of his thoughts, with an annoyed grunt as the platypus climbed up on the bed. Perry glanced around as if to briefly ask where Phineas was, then walked over to Ferb and nudged his leg. Ferb picked the semi-aquatic mammal up, cradling Perry against his chest, the platypus' head resting on his shoulder. Perry shifted slightly, then made his chattering noise as Ferb absently petted him.

He liked the current status quo. He got to spend every day with his brother and best friend, doing what they both loved. Inventing, creating, building, tinkering, exploring, life was never dull.

Perhaps that was the problem. Isabella, while a friend, was a disruption to that stability. If Phineas was dating, his attention was elsewhere. They would drift apart, as most siblings did, until eventually Phineas moved away, just like Candace had. Like Father had, when he had met Phineas and Candace's Mother, now his Mom.

It was the way of the world.

He was being immature and selfish, wanting things to stay the same. Most people searched their whole lives for the kind of connection that he and Phineas had.

But things changed, and he needed to accept that. People found each other, paired off and started families of their own. He needed to let Phineas go and do that, find happiness with Isabella.

Phineas deserved to be happy. To find a future of his own. Isabella could give him a family, children. Phineas could pass his brilliance on to the next generation.

And Ferb would always be Phineas' brother, nothing would ever change that. Even if they did grow apart.

It should have been a reassuring thought. It wasn't.

Listless and feeling heavy in heart, he went to bed early. Sleep was merciful and dragged him under quickly, leaving him with shadowy dreams of being trapped in a sinking submarine without his brother there to help him find oxygen.

* * *

The plan was surprisingly easy to execute.

Any time Ferb found Isabella in Phineas' company, Ferb found somewhere else to be.

That meant that there wasn't a terribly large amount of time that he and Phineas did spend together. With the exception of them in the middle of a delicate juncture in building something, he'd find some sort of excuse to go fetch something and become detained whenever she greeted Phineas with the traditional cry of 'Whatcha doin?'.

The fact that she rarely greeted him worked in his favour. Most people didn't notice Ferb, flocking to Phineas like flower to the sun, lulled by Phineas' bright spark.

The amount of time Isabella spent in Phineas' company increased rapidly as she realised that she had a chance to spend time with Phineas by himself, practically hanging off of the inventor. Phineas allowed it, looking at her with a slightly confused expression, a small ever present smile on his lips.

As long as Phineas was happy, Ferb reminded himself, that was the important thing.

* * *

Baljeet was the first to notice that something was odd, passing him several notes involving the Pythagorean Theorems, Euclidean Spaces, and Redshift Quantisation.

It took a little while to realise it was Baljeet's quiet way of asking if everything was okay. The Pythagorean Theorem was used to find the angles of a triangle, much like Phineas' head was shaped. Euclidean Spaces was for measuring distance in three-dimensional space. Redshift Quantisation was based around the idea that objects in space moving away from you will not only look redder than ones moving towards you, but they will cluster in groups.

There were days when Ferb wondered what Baljeet was still doing in High School with the rest of them with his skill and aptitude for higher math and classes in general. He suspected that Baljeet's desire to conform and Buford presence may have had something to do with it, the nerd and bully spending a great deal of time together.

Theirs was a strange relationship, but it seemed to work for them. Buford watched over Baljeet like a territorial bulldog over a favourite bone, and in return Baljeet silently supplied his secret intellectual interests, slipping foreign language bodice rippers into Buford's bag when he thought no one was looking.

Atomic wedgies were merely their way of showing affection.

Painful, but effective.

He assured Baljeet the best he could in mathematical code, giving the nervous math nerd a thumbs up he didn't feel.

* * *

Ferb hid at the local library after school for a few days, pouring through stacks of classic literature, engineering manuals, theoretical mathematics, and what ever else caught his fancy.

Occasionally he'd run into college students researching similar topics and would share information. A few suggested he start testing for what classes he needed to take come September and he toyed with the idea for a little while.

He and Phineas had decided a while ago that would both attend Danville Community College to take care of their basics and then transfer to a University to finish their degrees. He did some research into other schools, toying with the idea of going to Edinburgh. It might be nice to be close to his other relatives for a time.

The idea lasted until he ran across Buford and Baljeet in the library. Buford had his hands around Baljeet's thin waist, hefting Baljeet into the air to get some French cook books from a top shelf. Baljeet was protesting that since he was currently assisting Buford in getting the books and would be helping procure the ingredients later, that _this_ time he got try some of Buford's 'fancy French cooking' that the bully had spent so long mastering.

Buford grumbled over it, but it was obvious to anyone who knew him that it was mostly an act.

Ferb quickly backed up to go to a different part of the library, then had to duck to avoid a gaggle... a gathering... a group of Fireside Girls who were working on their Dewey Decimal patches.

As they passed, several were talking amongst themselves about how great it was that Phineas had finally stopped working on his strange inventions all the time and was dating Isabella. And how happy Isabella was, that she'd practically been glowing the past few days.

Ferb found other places to be other than the library after that.

* * *

Buford randomly appeared and punched Ferb in the upper arm. "That's fer being borin'." He gruffly informed Ferb, and stomped off.

Ferb watched him go, rubbing his arm where Buford had hit it, realising that he hadn't seen Buford for a couple of days.

With Phineas off with Isabella, they weren't doing anything interesting, so their friends were finding other ways to entertain themselves.

* * *

The problem with being an engineer, Ferb found, was that it didn't matter how brilliant he was at building things if the original plans were dull.

He dug up schematics online, in books, and drew his own. He maintained and upgraded Mom's car, did various modifications to the house, and built Perry a small pond to relax in. Mom liked the water feature, finding the sound of the moving water to be soothing.

Ferb loved fast bikes, fast cars and fast rocket-ships. He picked up a scrap car for cheap and spent an afternoon modifying it for space travel and visited the Shooting Star Milkshake Bar over the weekend, doing some maintenance and upgrades there too, which the manager loved him for.

The former owners of the star had never bothered to take care of it.

It was boring.

Ferb had built roller coasters in a day, giant robots, spaceships that went into space. Wildly imaginative designs that weren't governed by the lacklustre laws of physics.

And he was spending his time being a maintenance man. Which while necessary, wasn't terribly difficult to do. Nor much fun.

Phineas was the inventor, the creator. Ferb was the engineer, the builder. Different strengths. Complementary, but separate.

While Phineas could build and Ferb could create, their skills at such were not nearly as good. Ferb's designs generally ended up being practical or useful, but missing the wildly imaginative spark that Phineas had.

In a fit of temper, he pulled out his old logbook, flipping through the patterns and plans they had created and built with their two hands in the summer sun.

Heraclitus said ' _No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man'_.

It was impossible to go back, only forward. They weren't children anymore. Soon, they'd be adults, out of the nest, making their way in the world by themselves.

Not themselves.

By himself. He had to remember that. He couldn't be dependent on Phineas anymore.

He put the book away, under a box containing a checkerboard and pieces. ' _Eternity is a child playing, playing checkers; the kingdom belongs to a child'_ said Heraclitus.

Ferb made a mental note to stop reading Greek Philosophers. It put him in a melancholy frame of mind.

* * *

"Did something happen to you guys?" Irving asked, stopping his stalking to come up and ask Ferb the question.

Ferb paused, thought about it, then shrugged and walked away.

Growing up. Growing apart. Nothing worth mentioning.

* * *

"I must say." Ferb said, looking across the small cafe table at his lovely dinner companion. "That evil really does seem to suit you."

Vanessa tilted her head back as she laughed, long locks of chestnut hair dancing in the breeze as she did so. It almost looked like a cliched villainess pose, saved by the lack of mockery in her voice.

"Thanks, Ferb." She beamed at him, her smile wide and cheerful. There were times when he felt a pang of loss that they had never managed to become more, but the fact that they remained good friends continued to be a blessing that he was constantly grateful for. She had a happy glow about her lately, a bounce in her step that had been lacking previously. He wondered if she had found a love interest as well. Vanessa glanced around and leaned forward conspiratorially. "Actually, that's the thing I wanted to talk to you about."

He glanced around and leaned forward as well, curious. Normally they ran into each other by accident and shared a meal, it was rare that he actually received an invitation to dine, much less a formal one. The 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc' stationary had been a nice touch.

And he did approve of her choice in restaurants. He hadn't had a proper high tea in months, since visiting England last summer. Mom made great watercress and cucumber sandwiches on occasion, but she usually had to be bribed into it. And while he did prefer the more filling pub fare of pasties and curries, sometimes a lighter meal and pots of tea over conversation were what was really needed.

"I'm not technically supposed to talk to anyone about this." She said, bringing their heads together, so close that their hairs almost mixed. "But just in case, I wanted someone to know the truth. I'm not actually evil."

He cast a quick glace at her all black clothing, cut for both style and flare, then back at her face. She smirked back, leaning backwards slightly. "I got recruited by the 'O.W.C.A.' Yeah, I know the name sucks." Vanessa added with an eye-roll. "My Dad's nemesis gave me a pamphlet for me to look over and I joined up with them recently. And Perry the Platypus has always treated my Dad fairly well, so I figured what the hell, and here I am."

"We have a pet platypus named Perry." Ferb commented, momentarily distracted.

"Huh." One of Vanessa's eyebrows arched. "Strange. What are the chances of that?"

Given that there were under 50 platypus in the Tri-State area, not very likely at all.

"Anyway. They figured it'd be easier to take down evil organisations with someone on the inside to keep things from becoming _too_ evil and out of hand, so here I am." Vanessa shrugged, leaning back slightly. "But technically I'm playing both sides of the fence. The good guys aren't going to trust me completely, because I am deep undercover. And the evil guys... Well, not all of them are kooky like my Dad. So in case it all goes to hell in a hand-basket, I wanted someone on the outside to know what was going on."

And have the ability to get her fat out of the fire, should the need arise. He nodded, understanding where she was coming from. He had her back.

Vanessa relaxed, giving him a real smile. "Thanks, Ferb." She reached over and squeezed his hand. He smiled in return.

They chatted about mostly inconsequential things, catching up on what had changed since they last saw each other for most of the afternoon. It was nice to spend time with someone who didn't think it was strange that it was him by himself, and not him and his brother. He debated talking to her about Phineas, then decided against it, content to relax in the company of a friend for at least a little while.

Before she left, Vanessa gave him a pamphlet called 'So You've Discovered Your Pet is a Secret Agent', mostly as a joke.

Still, he read it and wondered.

... Where did Perry disappear to almost every day?

* * *

As the days stretched, he grew accustomed to it.

Of feeling off balanced, like there was a part of him missing, of constantly looking over his shoulder for his brother. Of the quiet where there had once been smiles and laughter.

Of not having a voice. Mealtime were especially awkward, the two of them falling just enough out of sync that Phineas could no longer read Ferb to verbalise their thoughts.

Phineas, always the empathic one, lapsed into silences as well, his words failing him. Ferb did his best to ignore the silent questioning looks his brother gave him as Phineas tried to figure out what was going on in Ferb's head and failed.

Their silences built up between them, a silent impenetrable wall.

He learned to... not quite enjoy it, but find some solace in solitude. He wondered if it was how he would have felt if he'd never had Phineas as a brother.

' _Better to have loved and lost_ ', said Tennyson in a requiem for a deceased friend.

Ferb struck Tennyson off his list of authours to read as well.

He made a point to spend time with Father, learning about antiques and wild histories of the past. It wasn't nearly as interesting spending time with his brother, but he enjoyed the time discovering his Father as a person rather than a parent. Ferb was getting older, which meant that his Father was as well. Many of their classmates' grandparents were already passing away, making him think of his own parents and grandparents mortality.

Father laughed, but got contemplative when Ferb mentioned that their grandparents were getting on in years.

Ferb didn't bring it up again.

* * *

Everything came to a crashing halt one afternoon after school, when he spotted Phineas talking with Isabella.

Ferb almost turned and left, but the fact that his brother wasn't smiling made him fumble and stop, turning to stare at Phineas.

It looked like Isabella had just ripped out Phineas' heart and stomped on it. Dark black rage flared up for a moment, until he saw Phineas shrug one shoulder and look down at the ground.

It was Phineas talking, not Isabella.

Isabella looked miserable, her face twisted up like she was fighting off the urge to cry like her world was ending.

It was, he knew with a sinking feeling in his stomach, his fault. He didn't know what was going on, but he somehow he knew that his actions had resulted in putting such a look on their faces.

It was the last thing he ever meant to do.

Ferb stared as Phineas reached out and took Isabella's hand, expecting the rush of the dark twisted emotion again, then was puzzled by the lack of it. A sort of empty hollow place echoed in his chest instead.

Isabella finally nodded, leaning forward and kissing Phineas' cheek. They gave each other watery half-smiles, then Phineas turned and walked away, moving towards Ferb.

... It looked strangely like a goodbye.

Guilt flared up, that this was his fault, that he had broken his little brother. He glanced at Isabella, wondering how she was faring and discovered her looking at him with a hollowed out expression.

She gave him a weak smile. "Take care of him." She whispered, voice just barely carrying.

He glanced between his slouched brother and Phineas' childhood friend. "Always." He simply said.

He didn't know where, but he had miscalculated.

It was not a mistake he was going to make again. Not when it led to such a broken expression on Phineas' face. His brother was meant for laughter, not sorrow.

Something that Ferb would do his best to make happen in the future. There had been a dearth of Phineas laughter lately, that needed to change.

Phineas glanced up at Ferb, spotting him for the first time and Ferb guiltily shifted his expression back to neutral, except for the worry he couldn't replace. Phineas gave him a small weary smile in return, and Ferb moved next to his brother, close enough that their arms were brushing against each other, knowing that Phineas wouldn't want everyone to see him like this.

Laughter was to be shared with the world, sorrow was private.

"We can take my scooter." Ferb said quietly. Phineas' head jerked up, dark blue eyes staring at Ferb in surprise, then narrowed in calculation. They had been taking their own vehicles to and from school the past two weeks. If they took Ferb's scooter, Phineas' would be left behind.

"As long as I get a ride from you in the morning." Phineas said cautiously.

Ferb nodded. Of course. Phineas moved closer, subtly grabbing ahold of Ferb's shirt sleeve in a tight grip, as thought expecting Ferb to disappear as soon as they cleared school grounds. They walked in silence, taking a small detour for Phineas to grab his helmet from his bike before climbing on Ferb's larger scooter.

Phineas sat down behind Ferb, wrapping his arms around Ferb's torso, ducking down so his head was hidden behind Ferb's shoulder, plastered against his back. Ferb carefully pulled away, highly aware of his passenger as he took the side streets home. Phineas held on tighter than was required, silent throughout the whole ride.

He parked on the side of the house, the two of them stashing their helmets before going into the backyard, under the shadows of their tree. Ferb stood there, waiting for Phineas to speak, noting the changes the past two weeks had wrought. Phineas looked tired, a weary air that had never been there before lingering around him, accented by the dulled sparkle in his eyes.

"I'm only gonna ask you once, Ferb." Phineas finally said, his own eyes searching Ferb's face in much the same way Ferb was examining Phineas. "Why?"

Why had Ferb abandoned him? Left him by himself?

Ferb slumped, feeling defeated, like a puppet with its strings cut. "Everything changes." He said quietly. "I didn't want to watch."

He could see comprehension dawn on Phineas' face, followed fast by understanding, Phineas unraveling Ferb's train of thought in a matter of seconds. Even with a couple of weeks of disuse, their connection as still as firm as ever.

"Oh, **Ferb**." Phineas shook his head, like Ferb was an idiot. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Ferb again, pulling him in for a hug.

Ferb hesitated for a minute, then returned the hug, holding on like he was afraid that Phineas was going to change his mind. Phineas was skinny, all skin and pointy joints, like he was one meal away from starvation despite the amount he ate. It made him feel deceptively fragile, despite how strong Ferb knew his brother was.

"I'm not going away." Phineas said into his shirt. "What ever happens, it'll be the two of us together. It's no fun without you."

It was rather dull without Phineas as well. Like being thrust into a world of monochrome after living in technicolour. Ferb tightened his grip, like he was afraid that Phineas would disappear again, prompting another laugh from Phineas.

"You're the only one who gets me." Phineas muttered, fingers digging into the fabric of Ferb's shirt hard enough to strain the fabric. "That I'm not always nice, and I'm sarcastic, and have a temper. I'd go nuts without you around."

"Myself as well." Ferb admitted. He'd get lost in his head or a project without Phineas there to drag him back into the world. He'd thought he was the only one who needed his brother, but Phineas needed him too.

It was a bit of a revelation, one that warmed his heart, ventricles, gross smushy red stuff, and all.

"Okay." Phineas nodded. "New promise. No more going solo. Whatever happens in the future, we do it together." He released Ferb enough to lean backwards and look Ferb in the face, eyes narrowed in fierce determination and not a little anger. "Pinkie swear."

Ferb raised an eyebrow, but released his brother enough to raise his right hand, pinkie finger extended. Phineas looped his pinkie around it and the shook. "Promise." Ferb said solemnly.

"Together." Phineas nodded. Ferb nodded back, a solemn oath.

He got a bright grin in return, one that took up most of Phineas' face, smile stretching from ear to ear. He glomped onto Ferb again, then released him and stepped backwards, grabbing Ferb's hands and bouncing. Phineas could carry a grudge like no one else Ferb knew, but once he forgave, it was absolutely. Life was too short to stay angry for long according to Phineas.

"So, **Ferb**." Phineas said, obviously relishing saying the words. "What do you want to do today?"

Ferb thought about it, mind flickering through the schematics and plans they already had drawn up. He felt slightly rusty, even though it had only been about two weeks since they'd built something together. They hadn't built a roller coaster in a while. And he had the new suspension track design that they'd never gotten to try out.

"Perfect!" Phineas practically vibrated. "Everyone loves a roller coaster! Where should we have it go?! Oh! We could have it dump everyone in a giant ball pit at the end! I'll go get the rubber weasels!"

Phineas dashed off to their bedroom, Ferb following just a hair slower. He pulled out the plans, mentally going through what materials they had, and what materials they would need. Usually a roller coaster was a morning job, and they only had a few hours of sunlight left. A night roller coaster then? With the suspension track, it'd be like flying through the air with nothing under their feet, perhaps a haunted house theme? Or an outer space, with glow in the dark stars and comets. Fireworks might be nice.

His brother dashed by and Ferb passed him the plans, digging under his bed for his favourite tool box. "Can we modify the track builder for a suspension type?" Phineas asked, reading the plans with what looked like a striped feather boa draped over one arm. "That'll cut down the building time to almost no time at all."

Ferb thought about it, then nodded. It would take about a half hour do so, but meant they could probably finish everything just after sunset. He found his hard hat as well, blowing the dust off of it.

"Excellent!" Phineas ran in the other direction, carrying Perry over his shoulder. "Also, theme. Outer space is cool. If we do the fireworks right, it'll be like it's an escape pod."

The escape pod was a good idea. Ferb nodded, rising to his feet, toolbox in hand, hardhat on his head.

Phineas paused to beamed at him, platypus gone, space suit bundled in his arms. "Now that's a sight I like to see." He said happily, an undercurrent of contentment in his voice that made Ferb smile back. Ferb quickly moved to his brother's side, finding himself eager to build another one of their amazing contraptions.

Phineas grinned at him as they walked out of their room and down the hall, moving in sync from both habit and a sense of purpose. To think, Ferb thought in amazement, that he'd almost given this up.

Never. Not in this lifetime.

"Hey, Ferb." Phineas practically bounced, pulling Ferb from his thoughts with their long-time ritual. "I know what we're going to do today!"

Pause.

"Hey, Where's Perry?"

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ferb is seen reading '[The Odyssey](http://classics.mit.edu/Homer/odyssey.html)' by Homer several times in the series, which is where the Greek Philosophers come from.
> 
> 'Redshift Quantisation' ([wiki](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redshift_quantization)) was added as a small shout out to a friend.  
> William Tifft, who created the theory, lives here in Tucson. I'm friends with one of his daughters, and have had the honour of meeting him. She also gave me a guided tour of [Kitt Peak Observatory](http://www.noao.edu/outreach/kpoutreach.html), where he developed said theory. Thanks, Wander!
> 
> The Pythagorean theorem was in reference to [this shirt, 'Perfect Geometry'](http://shirtoid.com/42324/perfect-geometry/).
> 
> Euclidean Spaces was included not because of a joke, but because it was the only space related mathematics I could quickly understand enough to explain in a single sentence. Baljeet can keep the higher math, thanks. @_@


End file.
